New blue

of course blue.

i resisted the urge to chop chop chop. it was a lot easier since i knew mama was in play. looking at it through calmer eyes, it appeared to be two pieces. so i cut it up the almost middle. of course i'm choosing the blue side to work with first. i figure i'll use the other for patches or something.

granddaughter in her cinderella dress pretending to photograph her polly pocket's pants like granma :)

[↑date thank you jude and grace... i needed the words. :)]


i'm in it. inner chaos.

i didn't get enough rest over the weekend. everything feels wrong. i know it's probably an overreaction but it still sucks.

the panel is not working. i'm fighting not to take a scissors to it. chop it up, just so it can be gone. it's representing my disconnected frustration. the back looks better than the front.

maybe tomorrow i'll feel better, but i think it's gonna take some days. my weekend's still 3 days away and the gran-baybees are on one.

:hope ray:
i tell you: one must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star. -friedrich nietzsche.

[↑date - how could i have spaced that it's a full moon... explains a lot. pink moon. sprouting grass moon.]

A gift

i had a birthday several days ago. i don't like planned birthday things.

they always seem too stressful. and yes the past several days were kinda stressful. i'm a hermit happily. i don't like hanging out unless it's something to do with nature. i prefer that type of company over crowds.

well i ended up in a crowd. a crowd in a little tiny penned up outdoor space no less. but i did it because someone i'm close too really wanted to go. my birthday gift to myself, adapting and change.

i didn't get to do too much sewing over the weekend. i tried. nothing would come out. so i just sewed. i don't like it yet. i hope it transforms into something nice. nothing's connected just random shapes and objects. right now i'm just decompressing.

123 slow

i'm starting my first purposeful unplanned/improvised projects. 3 of them so i don't get overwhelmed or bored. 2 make-up bags (one for daughter, one for niece) and covering one of my comforters. i've been wanting to cover this comforter for a long time. it's about 15 years old, dingy, filled with pills and holes, but it's still warm and i like her.

i'm using scraps again that were in the junk it pile. nice and worn misfits. for personal encouragement, i will be adding the semi finished blocks to the comforter as i go. patches style. starting in the corners, then edges and into center. the center block is going to be the size of 4 blocks and will be where the :wishes: go.

i have a :prayer to the WARM blanket project: in my head, but it doesn't have words yet. i'll add later when/if it materializes.

High apple pie in the sky hopes

there's supposed to be ant in this photo somewhere. i took two photos and he wasn't in either one of them i could see. hmmm. maybe my bad eyes?

i forgot to add 'the understory' the 'little bottom world' photo of the tree that graced me some good talk. it's really got some good color. young new green. would be nice if there was another word besides 'it' for someone/thing that you don't know the gender of. or if english words had gender like spanish or french already decided for you. wouldn't seem so impersonal.

and that song is stuck in my head. from where i don't know.

"Next time your found
With your chin on the ground
There's a lot to be learned
So look around.

Just what makes that little old ant
Think he'll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant, can't
Move a rubber tree plant

But he's got high hopes
He's got high hopes
He's got high apple pie
In the sky hopes."

Listened in

even the rowdiest of the rowdies has an understory.

what's happening above, affects below.

reminds me of summertime, on the warm concrete curb raking branches in the gutter. sending leaf boats floating down.

neighborhood bulletin board.

it's been over a year since i've sat outside. i realize i really miss the plants. had a really good conversation with a beautiful young tree. i had tears in my eyes. i had forgotten what that felt like.

thank you Sun.

If I'm gonna travel in circles...

might as well do it outside. gonna go for a walk. see what i can find. maybe i'll find something nice.

Just a little SUNthing...

:indian summer:

i've been feeling a little sketchy here lately. can't quite get back around to center. been traveling around in circles, missing the midpoint. the one theme/thread running through my scattered thoughts... to make a pad to remind me when i'm gifted with the prospect of another day, to wake up, relax and enjoy it. the warmth and life giving properties of the sun and the lazy days of the end of summer. lying in the grass, letting the earth move around me, not me trying to move the earth. now to do that would be great.

Moon Tide

:i hope miss mama moon is happy here on this little mishmash section of sky:

think it's pretty much finished. i'll probably add a couple of little things here and there. and it needs a binding... a thin one maybe.

it feels pretty good... it's got good weight and texture for the hands/touch. i freehand stitched the lettering. i did it partly because i am purposefully skipping the aspects of sewing that are usually roadblocks to either my finishing the works, or obstructions to : flow:. i also thought the loose look may fit in here. quilting it was a good light full experience.


i think miss moon might be a plain sort, but maybe she'd like some cosmic garlands or flowers. :space flowers:

i didn't know if i was going to keep going with this scrap pad, but i think i will. maybe i'll hang her in the kitchen when i'm done/satisfied. a kitchen moon.

Who's foolin' who...

more blue. i was just foolin' around stitching something to stitch it. it was only supposed to be the blue panel. playing with the blues. and i'd put it away.

but i see mama moon everywhere. and i thought she might like to be on a patchwork night sky. i think she deserves a crown and the wind at her feet. under her dress are her suns waiting to be born for another day.

[dark photos in my dark room in the dark night]

The Unspeakable 2

[photo found here -- storm moving over area by caitlyn willows]

after watching the weather report today, i realized i'm not as averse to wind and fire as i previously thought. i remember i enjoy storms. i feel very alive standing in the wind and rain waiting for the crackle and flash of a streak of lightning. i understand the fears of the danger of this part of nature, but i only feel swirling power and recognition from them. they wake me up, representing this life in action. as long as i can remember, i've collected rainwater. i'd keep the bottles sitting on my dresser, tangible evidence that this huge cycle is happening and i witnessed it/was a part of it for that moment. i miss them a lot when they are gone or don't show up as predicted.

[photo found here -- 4 Colour Sun Wheel © escher1]

i fear the sudden change these 2 elements represent, however in this context they seem to be a part of me and the fear is not there. i think this is where i can safely begin to explore representing them. i'm very excited at this new understanding.. :thank you world!:

Behind deep blue

i've noticed from taking pictures just how dark the apartment is. i've always loved the sunlight and open windows, so i'm not quite sure when this change took place. maybe it's because in this apartment, the walkway is right in front of the door and windows and there's no balcony here or private outside space. compensating i've created a cave... appropriate for this EARTH girl.

may also explain why i'm loving BLUES more than usual (if that's possible). a replacement for the sky i never see and the ocean i used to long for. i used to dream of the ocean almost every night... indigo and watercolor midnights, light pale blue for the sky. i now recognize i love the desert too though... accounting for all the tans and browns around me. and a scatter of natural new greens and yellows to mimic the cacti and small desert flowers.

with spring returning, dreams of an open plot of desert land are resurfacing. if only... but whatever i'm doing here in the present tense, i'll remember that i need both water and earth. i know i need balance. extremes aren't good, like how i've been resonating. i'm hesitant to even discuss the other two elements. in the solid and grounded i find my comfort.

in these words, i am thinking of a challenge for myself... to create cloths dealing with the other two unspeakable elements. :wooo: i'm going to sit with that idea for a while.

:TEARS: Still thinking about it...

i kept going with the running stitches and i like it.

this is the first 'anything' that i've made expressing some moment in time for me. it may not look like much, but it's good. a little prayer cloth. a reminder. very simple but says a lot to me. i'm pretty cool with it. i may still add something else to it though.

[on the front computer the photos look fine... they look a little dark here... hmmm]

Tears Transformation Pad

i'd planned on adding texture to this little pad from the beginning. i started adding little running stitches across the width this morning. i am not too happy with the way it's looking so far. maybe i'm looking through tired eyes.


from behind old lace
hearing frequent misspoke words
holdout for solace

full moon cloth :WARM SUM:

WARM SUM, a cloth i started on the full moon. i've stopped work on it, because the atmosphere around me changed dramatically about ?2/3rds? of the way through. it is a free stitch cloth. i had no design plans when i began it, only to use the running stitch as the main method (kantha). i intentionally stitched non-uniformly just to see what would happen and to keep the flow going.

the cloth is an old purse lining i never utilized. i did not cut it into shape. i stitched it up as it was, folding it over on itself to make 4 layers. the material is unwashed muslin and i'm wondering if i should've laundered it beforehand. well it may give it more interest if i wash after i am done. no use to cry over that spilled milk...

Prayer to :hands:

i'd like for what's in my head to come out onto the cloth. i'd like for my hands to trust me and not betray me and sweep all the :unfamiliar: up under the rug. i'd like for my cloths/outer expressions to match my jumbled, sometimes messy unclear and confused thoughts. i want to see them outside of my head so they can be here on this plane with me. i want to hang them on the walls so i won't be lonely here. i want them to become real here.

hands please trust us. it's should be okay. and if it's not, it's not that :sirius: anyways... no one's really watching... no one really notices.

a SEWer

i enjoy the action of pulling needle with thread.

i'm a round peg that don't fit into a square hole. (you'd think i'd fit, but i just don't fill out those corners... i slip and slide all over the place)

me ---> little kid in a grown's up world · over thinker · non-perfecting (sometimes non-performing) perfectionist · with a strange different world view