a marker

this post is one. time has gotten away from me. the flu seems to have taken up residence here...



been stitching in less aching moments. another star.

2 months

been quite a while. lots of changes. lots staying the same. some growing, some remembering.



it was a looong trip. just shy of 48 hours.



few days after i got here, the nieces spotted a double rainbow. nice.



i've been wooed by lots of rainy days, the smell of plants and trees, and scurrying animals. lover-ly.

a break in the clouds

middle son has entered treatment. it's a gift from the Universe that is just too immense for me to articulate. i've just been doing nothing since. sleeping, thinking and restoring. thank you who sent good thoughts and prayers my way. i deeply deeply appreciate them. miracles happened.

i am going to work on some face samples today. i also realized i did not post my previous photos to the class, so i am going to do that along with whatever faces come through to be stitched.

today is a lazy day.

you can't hurry the good times

by waiting for them.

i have this saying on a prayer flag i made. the one next to it says 'if you have to eat dirt, eat clean dirt'. an african american slave saying.

no photos for this post. i've been doing sewing work... sneaking it in here and there. but i am just too tired or maybe don't have the gumption to pull out the camera.

i am posting in the midst of madness. on the night grace commented about Thunder Man on her horizon (hope you're alright over there miss grace), i had one on my horizon. he came brandishing lightning bolts and causing a lot rain. we've been under his storm for almost a week now.

he's angry now looking at me in the kitchen as i write this. he's my middle son. he's been diagnosed with something or other. he's been getting worse.

i figured i'd just make this post. not waiting for the good times.

i've made a grass faerie. she came to me the night i posted in the workshop. i struggled making her. she seemed to be angel like. i don't like depicting angels. i'll post and write about her later.

a butterfly also came. i gave it a wash and it is sitting in my box.

also started a color blanket. and worked on one of the foundations from the spirit cloth class this morning.

life is here and it is all it is.

even though i can't

concentrate, i'm gonna make this post.



my chaotic life has been even more so for the past weeks.



involved: visiting family, sickness, mistaken identity, ig'nant police, ig'nant ex, son-father struggles, sleep deprivation + worry, etc



right now as i type this, i am interrupted at least every 5 or 6 words typed. sick niece at foot of my bed and my LOUD family has boundary issues... hahahahha



it's been like this for the past several weeks. a hermit either a) wants to escape b) wish all this didn't bother me c) have a beer many beers



did not get to finish embellish for the spirit cloth class. it makes me very sad. but i had to let something go or i was going to self-destruct.



i was just able to start looking at posts at the class and man, what everyone's done is AMAZING. to see the way everything has progressed for everyone. the process of the mind is just boggling and beautiful. i really REALLY appreciate being able to be a part of everyone's process that shared.



i will be continuing the learning here and i will also be in the patchwork beasts starting tomorrow.

family affair

it's been a beautiful blurrr this time...



my sweet nieces have arrived to visit. my sister pretty spontaneously decided to drive halfway across the country with her little sweeties for a little vacation. son and i decided to meet her in flagstaff to help her drive back the rest of the way



i love my sweeties



and i love the desert...

if i were a :geniE:ous

maybe i could say poof and make everything appear.



i think it's supposed to be disappear, but i'd like for somethings to appear.



all the ideas in my head :poof: and they'd be here.



i know the fun is supposed to be in the journey. but maybe i'd replace fun with expansion or growing or understanding.

---

i don't know if i've written about this yet, but in about 2 months... i have some life changing things that will be going on. as the time approaches, the :real:ity of it becomes closer to touch. 2 years ago, i started my present situation under circumstances that seemed viable. but those circumstances were ever changing spiraling twisting beyond anyone's control. so i'm in this place where i did not foresee i would be. no one's fault... no blame... just here. but that does not cancel the reeling feelings of fear, uncertainty, sadness, loss of control... so all the moods i can finally admit to myself are my just realizing what's becoming more real everyday and trying to figure things out. i guess the ability to pretend :things are not what they are: serves a purpose sometimes...

in a comment, grace brought up in me the idea i've been holding for a long time of having an online shop. i've been thinking more and more of doing that. hahahahahha i have no clue what i would offer there. maybe today, i will sign up for it.

cave:aEyes:

i turned into a cavewoman for a while.



everything was blurry and i couldn't get a grasp on a lot of things.



so i retreated. now that i've re-emerged i found that it coincided with the :three: days of the dark/new moon. funny. again.

i used to keep regular track of :her: cycles, but somehow i've lost the time.

i worked on a couple of things that have been lying beside me. mr. depp catt has a new hat. i added some things to the moon, but ripped them out... the color tones didn't match. she now has tiny whisper holes and colors.

the cloth to cloth class is ending. :sad: i'm going to miss having the opportunity to participate in that little spot. through it i learned so many things. and most suprisingly i learned a lot about myself and relating. looking back it feels like it was a group growing effort. i had a time of feeling uncomfortable, but i am happy i pushed through :my: issues and i've expanded understanding because of it.

spirit cloth class starts tuesday and from all the work examples already posted, i am surely out of my league. these women are wonderful talented artists. a new learning experience is in the slots and i'm excited.

oh and grace (if you happen by)... i'm sorry but son has not been able to mail off the cushion yet. he had an unexpected busy workweek, but he tells me he is going on monday to ship it off. so :fingers crossed: hopefully it will be there by thursday or friday. i hope cushion gets lots of wear and tear! i think she'll be happy. :)

:HOME:work

been sick... still am, but at least i'm not flat on my back.



haven't been doing ANYthing cloth related. it was taking all my strength to keep the grands from clobbering each other. i vowed this weekend to get back to it though. ripped up some strips and got to work night before last.



i'm trying to get caught up on all the methods at class. the tapestry, the double weave, cut out and mask... check check check. i think that's all of them.



i am going to use all these methods more extensively in the HOME comforter work. i just wanted to try em' out to get a feel for them.

Weaving and unraveling

these are my two latest pieces for the cloth to cloth class.



i accidentally realized that light shines through this block.



this is all just pinned not yet basted. i think because i wasn't totally sure of the framing fabrics, but i'm gonna just go for it and leave em be.



this is the same type of weaving with as the previous post only with a backing. yellowish fabric is from an old 1970's sheet and it was a nice accident that the circle of the flower appeared in the lower block. the print is also a little darker than it's looks in this photo.

so that was the weaving... now the unraveling. this class is amazing. not only am i learning more about the feel and personality of cloth, i'm learning about the feel and personality of me. cloth is magic.

remembering my lifelong friendship i've had with natural cloth. how a certain blanket gave me comfort and security as a child. how silk ribbons rubbed against my cheek calmed me down. tears and fights with mom over polyester pantsuits and turtlenecks... hahahahaha they suffocated me! loving my levis, indian print gauze blouses, fringe leather mocs...

also learning an organic organization for working and enjoying. the natural process seeping over into and making it's way out to the outer overlooked corners of my experience. :thanks to suzanna and grace: for the words on the quiet and the slow.

i yam what i yam.

Getting it together

it's been a long time since i've taken a class. the class i'm taking is a freeform freeflowing one and thank goodness. i'm still a little overwhelmed. i am really slow. i'm realizing more about how i work... my :thought to manifestation: process. i take a lot of time thinking about things. which can be good, but i'm realizing where it makes me stop action. where it stops the freeflow from :wherever things come from:.

also realizing just how quiet i am. probably a mixture of shy and just not inclined to talking a lot. i think a lot about what i see, but it feels only relevant to me. i'm not used to voicing my thoughts all time. feels strange to me. probably a cultural thing. runs against the grain of this internet world. i'm trying to figure out how to make a balance of this, since i obviously want to participate in this forum (i'm here).

can't forget to factor in the grandbaybees... a terrible two and a frazzling four... :)

so i'm in the process of figuring it all out or at least as much as i can, from what i'm aware of at this point...

For the wishes

on the stars.



i finally started one of the makeup/catch all bags. this one's for daughter. her favorite color is red. she is currently far away from home trying to make her dreams come true.

i guess you'd i'd call this a wish pot. came out a little funky. i freecut/handed it and i plan on adding the words "star light, star bright..."

i received a huge mother's day card from daughter today. it made me cry. i miss her so much.
---

i forgot to add that the star is made in the style of jude at what if.

New blue

of course blue.



i resisted the urge to chop chop chop. it was a lot easier since i knew mama was in play. looking at it through calmer eyes, it appeared to be two pieces. so i cut it up the almost middle. of course i'm choosing the blue side to work with first. i figure i'll use the other for patches or something.



granddaughter in her cinderella dress pretending to photograph her polly pocket's pants like granma :)



♥

[↑date thank you jude and grace... i needed the words. :)]

Chaos

i'm in it. inner chaos.



i didn't get enough rest over the weekend. everything feels wrong. i know it's probably an overreaction but it still sucks.



the panel is not working. i'm fighting not to take a scissors to it. chop it up, just so it can be gone. it's representing my disconnected frustration. the back looks better than the front.



maybe tomorrow i'll feel better, but i think it's gonna take some days. my weekend's still 3 days away and the gran-baybees are on one.

*
:hope ray:
i tell you: one must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star. -friedrich nietzsche.

[↑date - how could i have spaced that it's a full moon... explains a lot. pink moon. sprouting grass moon.]

A gift

i had a birthday several days ago. i don't like planned birthday things.



they always seem too stressful. and yes the past several days were kinda stressful. i'm a hermit happily. i don't like hanging out unless it's something to do with nature. i prefer that type of company over crowds.

well i ended up in a crowd. a crowd in a little tiny penned up outdoor space no less. but i did it because someone i'm close too really wanted to go. my birthday gift to myself, adapting and change.



i didn't get to do too much sewing over the weekend. i tried. nothing would come out. so i just sewed. i don't like it yet. i hope it transforms into something nice. nothing's connected just random shapes and objects. right now i'm just decompressing.