maggie mae

...the flower queen. weeper for days past, uncertain for the days to come.



she appeared right after wolf woman. maybe the flip side of the coin...

wild hair... unable to be controlled



flailing roots, planted in the ether...



and if maggie mae was a reflection of me at the time of stitching, i'm not sure it still applies. i think i've shifted a little over to the side somewhere...

grace sent me a book to read (thank you! thank you! thank you!). women who run with wolves. i can't put into words how much it is meaning to me. i think, it and grace have something alot to do with the shifting...

[used jude's crayon drawing method on the roots. amazing... with the heat, the crayons just melted into the cloth. what a feeling... so smoooth... i have so many ideas for this.]

vigilant

she sees in the night



she watches during the day



the nieces said she is a wolf woman. i had a body for her... a rose print dress, an apron with little pockets. but i got the feeling she didn't want it. so i'll let her just stay in her head for now.

facing a beast

yesterday i went back to look at the beast class. so happy i did. a door opened up.



the nieces gasped when they saw her. they kept coming over asking questions about her.



i copied jude's faces. i think i will look up some 'how-to's' on drawing basic facial expression. fun!

trees and water

it's hard to believe this is down the way from me.



and that i can walk here. trees and the water have infused me with something new in the months since i've been here. i know this has to be true.

it's real that this place is beautiful to me. and it's real that i miss the desert. the trees and i have had wonder-full meetings. yet these woods around here are spooky. something i'm not used to.

it's also spooky to be alone. no 6ft. 2 son to walk me places. no son or daughter close by to look me in my eyes or to encourage me and rag me for my quirks. now there are new eyes to look into and my own ayes.

sister and i have had a ROCKY past, but we have always had this tie that we can't be apart. where ever one went, the other would follow. we could not resist the pull. we are EXTREME opposites. i am the odd man out of our family... i should say i am the EXTREME opposite of the bunch of us. but now it seems we (sister and i) have come to understand each other and where we can't, it's okay.

she has been encouraging me. encouraging me as she says "to fly". my feet stay as close to the ground as possible when dealing with this world. my soul is the one that stays flying above the clouds. i think she has been influencing me to let my feet join my soul. and suddenly i realized i was up on my tippy toes ready to jump... and i came to consciousness and was scared. what happened? how did i get up here? hahahahha

so that's part of the long version of this story... the other parts are uncomfortable circumstances that i'm realizing are just circumstances, but that they are real. and sister has been running interference for me recently, trying to allow me to make the decision for myself.

so it seems i am making these decisions. and the fight may be in my mind, playing out in what's around me.

---
thank you for all for the words on the last post. you just don't know how much they have all helped. :)

even though i can't

concentrate, i'm gonna make this post.



my chaotic life has been even more so for the past weeks.



involved: visiting family, sickness, mistaken identity, ig'nant police, ig'nant ex, son-father struggles, sleep deprivation + worry, etc



right now as i type this, i am interrupted at least every 5 or 6 words typed. sick niece at foot of my bed and my LOUD family has boundary issues... hahahahha



it's been like this for the past several weeks. a hermit either a) wants to escape b) wish all this didn't bother me c) have a beer many beers



did not get to finish embellish for the spirit cloth class. it makes me very sad. but i had to let something go or i was going to self-destruct.



i was just able to start looking at posts at the class and man, what everyone's done is AMAZING. to see the way everything has progressed for everyone. the process of the mind is just boggling and beautiful. i really REALLY appreciate being able to be a part of everyone's process that shared.



i will be continuing the learning here and i will also be in the patchwork beasts starting tomorrow.

Opened door

a door opened up while reading posts at the class blog this morning.



so many of my thoughts over the past days have intersected with the thoughts and works over there. dealing with expression, truth, one's own work...

the words i read over there hit right at the center of me. i think they are the key to this rough journey i've been on. a piece i have just not been able to figure out keep forgetting to keep close to me.

came across this song today. second time i've been feeling :funky: and i've heard this song on the tv. memories coming to meet me...

---

You say the hill's too steep to climb,
Climb it!
You say you'd like to see me try,
Climb it!
You pick the place and I'll choose the time
And I'll climb
The hill in my own way
Just wait a while, for the right day
And as I rise above the treeline and the clouds
I look down hear the sound of the things you said today
Fearlessly the idiot faced the crowd, smiling
Merciless, the magistrate turns 'round, frowning
And who's the fool who wears the crown
Go down in your own way
And everyday is the right day
And as you rise above the fearlines in the frown
You look down
Hear the sound of the faces in the crowd

Weaving and unraveling

these are my two latest pieces for the cloth to cloth class.



i accidentally realized that light shines through this block.



this is all just pinned not yet basted. i think because i wasn't totally sure of the framing fabrics, but i'm gonna just go for it and leave em be.



this is the same type of weaving with as the previous post only with a backing. yellowish fabric is from an old 1970's sheet and it was a nice accident that the circle of the flower appeared in the lower block. the print is also a little darker than it's looks in this photo.

so that was the weaving... now the unraveling. this class is amazing. not only am i learning more about the feel and personality of cloth, i'm learning about the feel and personality of me. cloth is magic.

remembering my lifelong friendship i've had with natural cloth. how a certain blanket gave me comfort and security as a child. how silk ribbons rubbed against my cheek calmed me down. tears and fights with mom over polyester pantsuits and turtlenecks... hahahahaha they suffocated me! loving my levis, indian print gauze blouses, fringe leather mocs...

also learning an organic organization for working and enjoying. the natural process seeping over into and making it's way out to the outer overlooked corners of my experience. :thanks to suzanna and grace: for the words on the quiet and the slow.

i yam what i yam.