turning of time

as i look back on this year, i realize this is just a continuation.



a hold over of baggage from a 7 year trip.



this was a year of unfolding. of reaching out. of facing fears. of hurts and of learning.



it was also a year of renewal. of remembering. that love still abides.



i buried my ownself. and it is for me to do the emerging.



so with this turning of the time, i move forward. hitching a ride with the sun awakening.

trees and water

it's hard to believe this is down the way from me.



and that i can walk here. trees and the water have infused me with something new in the months since i've been here. i know this has to be true.

it's real that this place is beautiful to me. and it's real that i miss the desert. the trees and i have had wonder-full meetings. yet these woods around here are spooky. something i'm not used to.

it's also spooky to be alone. no 6ft. 2 son to walk me places. no son or daughter close by to look me in my eyes or to encourage me and rag me for my quirks. now there are new eyes to look into and my own ayes.

sister and i have had a ROCKY past, but we have always had this tie that we can't be apart. where ever one went, the other would follow. we could not resist the pull. we are EXTREME opposites. i am the odd man out of our family... i should say i am the EXTREME opposite of the bunch of us. but now it seems we (sister and i) have come to understand each other and where we can't, it's okay.

she has been encouraging me. encouraging me as she says "to fly". my feet stay as close to the ground as possible when dealing with this world. my soul is the one that stays flying above the clouds. i think she has been influencing me to let my feet join my soul. and suddenly i realized i was up on my tippy toes ready to jump... and i came to consciousness and was scared. what happened? how did i get up here? hahahahha

so that's part of the long version of this story... the other parts are uncomfortable circumstances that i'm realizing are just circumstances, but that they are real. and sister has been running interference for me recently, trying to allow me to make the decision for myself.

so it seems i am making these decisions. and the fight may be in my mind, playing out in what's around me.

---
thank you for all for the words on the last post. you just don't know how much they have all helped. :)

2 months

been quite a while. lots of changes. lots staying the same. some growing, some remembering.



it was a looong trip. just shy of 48 hours.



few days after i got here, the nieces spotted a double rainbow. nice.



i've been wooed by lots of rainy days, the smell of plants and trees, and scurrying animals. lover-ly.

A gift

i had a birthday several days ago. i don't like planned birthday things.



they always seem too stressful. and yes the past several days were kinda stressful. i'm a hermit happily. i don't like hanging out unless it's something to do with nature. i prefer that type of company over crowds.

well i ended up in a crowd. a crowd in a little tiny penned up outdoor space no less. but i did it because someone i'm close too really wanted to go. my birthday gift to myself, adapting and change.



i didn't get to do too much sewing over the weekend. i tried. nothing would come out. so i just sewed. i don't like it yet. i hope it transforms into something nice. nothing's connected just random shapes and objects. right now i'm just decompressing.

Listened in

even the rowdiest of the rowdies has an understory.




what's happening above, affects below.




reminds me of summertime, on the warm concrete curb raking branches in the gutter. sending leaf boats floating down.




neighborhood bulletin board.


it's been over a year since i've sat outside. i realize i really miss the plants. had a really good conversation with a beautiful young tree. i had tears in my eyes. i had forgotten what that felt like.

thank you Sun.