trees and water

it's hard to believe this is down the way from me.

and that i can walk here. trees and the water have infused me with something new in the months since i've been here. i know this has to be true.

it's real that this place is beautiful to me. and it's real that i miss the desert. the trees and i have had wonder-full meetings. yet these woods around here are spooky. something i'm not used to.

it's also spooky to be alone. no 6ft. 2 son to walk me places. no son or daughter close by to look me in my eyes or to encourage me and rag me for my quirks. now there are new eyes to look into and my own ayes.

sister and i have had a ROCKY past, but we have always had this tie that we can't be apart. where ever one went, the other would follow. we could not resist the pull. we are EXTREME opposites. i am the odd man out of our family... i should say i am the EXTREME opposite of the bunch of us. but now it seems we (sister and i) have come to understand each other and where we can't, it's okay.

she has been encouraging me. encouraging me as she says "to fly". my feet stay as close to the ground as possible when dealing with this world. my soul is the one that stays flying above the clouds. i think she has been influencing me to let my feet join my soul. and suddenly i realized i was up on my tippy toes ready to jump... and i came to consciousness and was scared. what happened? how did i get up here? hahahahha

so that's part of the long version of this story... the other parts are uncomfortable circumstances that i'm realizing are just circumstances, but that they are real. and sister has been running interference for me recently, trying to allow me to make the decision for myself.

so it seems i am making these decisions. and the fight may be in my mind, playing out in what's around me.

thank you for all for the words on the last post. you just don't know how much they have all helped. :)


Anonymous said...

i really don't know quite what to write. i'll think and return.

twhIch aye said...

yeah... maybe i wrote too much? i thought twice about posting it... i was thinking of un-posting it. maybe today i am feeling open and tomorrow i will just feel embarrassed... hahaahahhaha

grace Forrest~Maestas said...

Twhich...NO! no unpost.
let it sit here. let it settle in.
let it settle in to those of us
who love you for whatever reason

it's VERY VERY GOOD. Verrrry
leave it alone.
don't take it away.
just this for now.


Penny Berens said...

Twich...I wanted to come on and thank you for sharing such a beautiful, thought-filled piece.

Marti said...

Twich, I am a friend of grace's and new to your blog. You write with such honesty and depth of feeling and this entry is important. As grace said, let it stay for it is speaking far beyond what you realize: When we go down to the marrow, sometimes, we are not sure if we have enough "skin" to cover up but the thing is, uncovering is how we come to know who we are and in the discovery, we find connections even though personal circumstances may be quite different. Thank you.

twhIch aye said...

thank you for those words grace... i will leave it... i think i need to let it settle in my brain too...

thank you penny for reading. it means much to me that i can share among such wonderful women. (and i see your getting a lot of rain your way... stay safe)

twhIch aye said...

hi marti! i've seen you over at grace's and thank you for coming over and commenting :) your words are really deep here and i am going to be thinking about them here today... marrow and skin... uncovering...

Debi From the Pacific Northwest said...

Beautiful post... please leave it. So, some more pieces of the story. I'm glad you posted this. You HAVE been going through some changes. Consciously you've been going through the paces of change and dealing with them. BUT, there is a sub-conscious process too. Maybe you need to rest while your sub-conscious catches up to your conscious mind and the thoughts co-mingle. You may wake up one morning and everything will just feel "right". Thank you so much for your honest sharing. See, you are a brave woman!

;~) Debi

Anonymous said...

oh gosh no
don't unpost!!
i think i just don't know the proper thing to say.

i think i'll just sign my x

nandas said...

and twhich... i am also a friend of grace and marti... and you are being very brave to put this out there and this is what heals... just to face what you know ... i also have a sister... 3 actually... and its pretty amazing what its like as we grow older... there is a softening that happens...i hear you say that and i am here to say its true.i am also the different one. and keep writing down your truth.

oh, and thanks for coming by to my blog too!

twhIch aye said...

yes debi... co-mingling has been happening since writing this. i think i will just let it all sink in and let all my selves get on the same page. thank you for reading this and i feel like a fraidy-cat but what's the saying... 'courage is acting in spite of fear'...

hey serena... oh no, i thought about un-posting as soon as i posted. well even before... hahahhahha and i thank you for commenting and for your signing your x and for being here :) please feel free to write/say whatever you want here... truth is king and queen :)

hi nandas! i was happy to find your blog... :) i meant to comment on your blue weaving... i will go back there today. --- and softening is it... we've softened towards each other and something other than whatever we had going on in the past has become more important. thank you nandas.