· lowtide ·

spark

2010-12-31T15:30:00.000-08:00

for the new year... a spur of the moment decision.
i've decided to move to another blog. a second chapter.

been thinking about it for several days actually. last night i somewhat made a decision.

i figure i will just keep on moving forward and see what comes along the path. i'll move back if?...

i hope it's not too much trouble for my friends to find me if they wish. please come over if you get a chance :)

lowtideflats at wordpress

:happy new year everyone! good wishes to all. expansion and peace!:

turning of time

2010-12-18T09:34:00.000-08:00

as i look back on this year, i realize this is just a continuation.

a hold over of baggage from a 7 year trip.

this was a year of unfolding. of reaching out. of facing fears. of hurts and of learning.

it was also a year of renewal. of remembering. that love still abides.

i buried my ownself. and it is for me to do the emerging.

so with this turning of the time, i move forward. hitching a ride with the sun awakening.

shooting / falling

2010-12-11T08:57:00.000-08:00

star

realized i'd not done a woven 9 patch with varying fabrics

took out the little bit in the center square

when i realized she was a star

[stitched when i was sick]

holders

2010-12-11T08:36:00.000-08:00

keeping things in bags.

used to keep the floss in an old index file box. before that, a big orange bowl my brother used to eat cereal from when we were young.

couldn't tote them with me from vegas, so now they're in a bag.

(small muslin bag is for my pin cushion)

[made these several weeks ago]

a marker

2010-12-06T06:22:00.000-08:00

this post is one. time has gotten away from me. the flu seems to have taken up residence here...

been stitching in less aching moments. another star.

trafalgar

2010-11-28T09:50:00.000-08:00

popped up as his name.

immediately thought of my ex husband's uncle tragabalas. he was shot like 30-something times and lived. 'bullet eater'.

trafalgar
arabic
one meaning 'the cave'
poetic meaning 'edge of the deep' (taraf-al-ghawr)
---

used the grab bag method for this one...

this moon

2010-11-26T13:21:00.000-08:00

has been a particularly strong one. ranting and raving. mental confusion, frustration and anger. whining, self-pity.

it was rough, but it's good she facilitated the opening of this door. i am a little embarrassed for the 'steam' leaked out (thank you for listening grace), but...

and i am back to mae. she's just mae now...

and this fire eater. i imagine he got tired of running from this fire ball. now he has turned, facing it, jaws wide open ready to eat it and see what becomes of him...
---

hope everyone who celebrated yesterday had the special day they'd hoped for...

maggie mae

2010-11-19T12:31:00.000-08:00

...the flower queen. weeper for days past, uncertain for the days to come.

she appeared right after wolf woman. maybe the flip side of the coin...

wild hair... unable to be controlled

flailing roots, planted in the ether...

and if maggie mae was a reflection of me at the time of stitching, i'm not sure it still applies. i think i've shifted a little over to the side somewhere...

grace sent me a book to read (thank you! thank you! thank you!). women who run with wolves. i can't put into words how much it is meaning to me. i think, it and grace have ~~something~~ alot to do with the shifting...

[used jude's crayon drawing method on the roots. amazing... with the heat, the crayons just melted into the cloth. what a feeling... so smoooth... i have so many ideas for this.]

receptacles

2010-11-16T12:23:00.000-08:00

vigilant

2010-11-12T08:59:00.001-08:00

she sees in the night

she watches during the day

the nieces said she is a wolf woman. i had a body for her... a rose print dress, an apron with little pockets. but i got the feeling she didn't want it. so i'll let her just stay in her head for now.

facing a beast

2010-11-11T06:23:00.000-08:00

yesterday i went back to look at the beast class. so happy i did. a door opened up.

the nieces gasped when they saw her. they kept coming over asking questions about her.

i copied jude's faces. i think i will look up some 'how-to's' on drawing basic facial expression. fun!

in-betweens

2010-11-10T09:56:00.000-08:00

stitched in the midst of.

over the span of.

towards the Star.

trees and water

2010-11-08T09:33:00.000-08:00

it's hard to believe this is down the way from me.

and that i can walk here. trees and the water have infused me with something new in the months since i've been here. i know this has to be true.

it's real that this place is beautiful to me. and it's real that i miss the desert. the trees and i have had wonder-full meetings. yet these woods around here are spooky. something i'm not used to.

it's also spooky to be alone. no 6ft. 2 son to walk me places. no son or daughter close by to look me in my eyes or to encourage me and rag me for my quirks. now there are new eyes to look into and my own ayes.

sister and i have had a ROCKY past, but we have always had this tie that we can't be apart. where ever one went, the other would follow. we could not resist the pull. we are EXTREME opposites. i am the odd man out of our family... i should say i am the EXTREME opposite of the bunch of us. but now it seems we (sister and i) have come to understand each other and where we can't, it's okay.

she has been encouraging me. encouraging me as she says "to fly". my feet stay as close to the ground as possible when dealing with this world. my soul is the one that stays flying above the clouds. i think she has been influencing me to let my feet join my soul. and suddenly i realized i was up on my tippy toes ready to jump... and i came to consciousness and was scared. what happened? how did i get up here? hahahahha

so that's part of the long version of this story... the other parts are uncomfortable circumstances that i'm realizing are just circumstances, but that they are real. and sister has been running interference for me recently, trying to allow me to make the decision for myself.

so it seems i am making these decisions. and the fight may be in my mind, playing out in what's around me.

---
thank you for all for the words on the last post. you just don't know how much they have all helped. :)

dreams

2010-11-07T11:04:00.000-08:00

been feeling kinda strange

feeling as if i am changing. don't know if it's for the good or bad. i see myself compromising and i'm not sure if that's what i want to do.

i can feel it affecting my voice.

---
[just discovered i can follow people :) i couldn't before... maybe the fix to me commenting on embeds is coming soon... hopefully?]

pressure

2010-10-25T07:55:00.000-07:00

atmospheric. moon tides. migraines. [and a moon face :) ] is it a change from the desert to the humid coast pressing in?

been spending lots of time in the wonderful cool dark closet. finished this bag several days ago, but my aversion to light has not allowed me to post it.

lit the way

2010-10-22T08:35:00.000-07:00

following that star.

the day before my trip here, this star floated into my head. all the way here, i thought of how to make it.

shining on...

point of view

2010-10-19T14:31:00.000-07:00

after deciding to add a moon to this foundation, i thought of jude's post and developing a thought.

and taking steps away from it. it didn't have any meaning to add a moon. i just wanted to. after i got into the stitching i realized that it could mean a certain thing. a lot of certain things.

thinking of st. therese of lisieux the night before and niece brought me a gift of this beautiful sweet smelling creamy colored rose yesterday afternoon.

re peat

2010-10-17T13:41:00.000-07:00

looks like it, only a different part.

continuing the process (from yesterday). blues brown sky earth ground. rearranging the thinking. transforming to see the reality of a situation.

this moth (herpetogramma?) has fluttered in around and out of the window screen since mid-morning.

pink soothed

2010-10-16T14:15:00.000-07:00

i pinned this together last night. wasn't sure if it was going to stick.

after a heated argument earlier this morning, i strongly needed to put some stitches in this. she talked me down.

barely there

2010-10-15T13:29:00.000-07:00

the light is different here. softer. i can't seem to get a feel of it for the camera.

even though i only started this yesterday, this seems to be speaking slowly and softly. i keep adding more stitches and they are absorbed into the pale.

2 months

2010-10-10T20:03:00.001-07:00

been quite a while. lots of changes. lots staying the same. some growing, some remembering.

it was a looong trip. just shy of 48 hours.

few days after i got here, the nieces spotted a double rainbow. nice.

i've been wooed by lots of rainy days, the smell of plants and trees, and scurrying animals. lover-ly.

snuck up on me

2010-08-08T11:45:00.001-07:00

again.

nothin like a little heat to get me off my behind. of course like last class, the end of it caught me unawares. time is a blur for me. never have been able to keep track. i got to read the other's posts here and there, but i was never really able to get into it like i'd intended. i know i missed out on some great and valuable conversations/teaching.

i believe this grass faerie's name is graciela (a form of grace?), at least that's what she told me... but i think it's more like grassiela.

i knew she was a grass faerie as soon as i realized what the wings and face were going to be cut out from, but i did not know what she was going to look like. she surprised me.

on the home front, middle son is back. he got kicked out of treatment a couple of days ago.

and i'm packing, getting ready for the move.

a break in the clouds

2010-08-01T14:39:00.000-07:00

middle son has entered treatment. it's a gift from the Universe that is just too immense for me to articulate. i've just been doing nothing since. sleeping, thinking and restoring. thank you who sent good thoughts and prayers my way. i deeply deeply appreciate them. miracles happened.

i am going to work on some face samples today. i also realized i did not post my previous photos to the class, so i am going to do that along with whatever faces come through to be stitched.

today is a lazy day.

so

2010-07-29T10:39:00.000-07:00

i post these.

haven't been able to do much for the beast class and these aren't ironed, but...

i did the butterfly early in the morning with no pattern. i cut and stitched it by feel and hand. it is very wonky.

on the time cloth i've done some quilting on the bottom part. i've started feeling it in a more personal way. i noticed some parts have changed from what i originally saw them to be. i realized to let them be as they wanted. i removed a section since it didn't seem to fit, which was good.

*in spite of life, live*

you can't hurry the good times

2010-07-26T19:34:00.000-07:00

by waiting for them.

i have this saying on a prayer flag i made. the one next to it says 'if you have to eat dirt, eat clean dirt'. an african american slave saying.

no photos for this post. i've been doing sewing work... sneaking it in here and there. but i am just too tired or maybe don't have the gumption to pull out the camera.

i am posting in the midst of madness. on the night grace commented about Thunder Man on her horizon (hope you're alright over there miss grace), i had one on my horizon. he came brandishing lightning bolts and causing a lot rain. we've been under his storm for almost a week now.

he's angry now looking at me in the kitchen as i write this. he's my middle son. he's been diagnosed with something or other. he's been getting worse.

i figured i'd just make this post. not waiting for the good times.

i've made a grass faerie. she came to me the night i posted in the workshop. i struggled making her. she seemed to be angel like. i don't like depicting angels. i'll post and write about her later.

a butterfly also came. i gave it a wash and it is sitting in my box.

also started a color blanket. and worked on one of the foundations from the spirit cloth class this morning.

life is here and it is all it is.

even though i can't

2010-07-14T22:02:00.000-07:00

concentrate, i'm gonna make this post.

my chaotic life has been even more so for the past weeks.

involved: visiting family, sickness, mistaken identity, ig'nant police, ig'nant ex, son-father struggles, sleep deprivation + worry, etc

right now as i type this, i am interrupted at least every 5 or 6 words typed. sick niece at foot of my bed and my LOUD family has boundary issues... hahahahha

it's been like this for the past several weeks. a hermit either a) wants to escape b) wish all this didn't bother me c) have ~~a beer~~ many beers

did not get to finish embellish for the spirit cloth class. it makes me very sad. but i had to let something go or i was going to self-destruct.

i was just able to start looking at posts at the class and man, what everyone's done is AMAZING. to see the way everything has progressed for everyone. the process of the mind is just boggling and beautiful. i really REALLY appreciate being able to be a part of everyone's process that shared.

i will be continuing the learning here and i will also be in the patchwork beasts starting tomorrow.

miss GRACE

2010-07-11T20:42:00.000-07:00

GRACE:ful earth

thank you so much grace! i can feel you and your desert in this cloth. i think i can even smell the beautiful air/earth of the New Mexico i long for...

i was so excited opening the package up grace... i burst into tears when i saw 'you'/the cloth. my son just stood over, looking at me like i was crazy hahhahhaha. the diamond shining, the soft light butterfly hovering, the thread pearls... lovely. to see/have this piece in person, i feel so honored.

your beautiful writing on the lovely stationery, the warm cloth... i want to put it all up in a scrapbook of some kind. but i will keep it out so i can look at and touch it and remember my relation.

thank you for this wonderful connection/communication grace. :)

small starts

2010-06-27T00:29:00.000-07:00

like small steps?

i made these last week, but did not get the chance to post them. little foundations for the spirit cloth workshop i'm participating in. random scraps from one of my cloth bags.

the non-blue one, i made it countrified... inspired by traci :)

family affair

2010-06-25T09:33:00.000-07:00

it's been a beautiful blurrr this time...

my sweet nieces have arrived to visit. my sister pretty spontaneously decided to drive halfway across the country with her little sweeties for a little vacation. son and i decided to meet her in flagstaff to help her drive back the rest of the way

i love my sweeties

and i love the desert...

if i were a :geniE:ous

2010-06-20T15:53:00.000-07:00

maybe i could say poof and make everything appear.

i think it's supposed to be disappear, but i'd like for somethings to appear.

all the ideas in my head :poof: and they'd be here.

i know the fun is supposed to be in the journey. but maybe i'd replace fun with expansion or growing or understanding.

---

i don't know if i've written about this yet, but in about 2 months... i have some life changing things that will be going on. as the time approaches, the :real:ity of it becomes closer to touch. 2 years ago, i started my present situation under circumstances that seemed viable. but those circumstances were ever changing spiraling twisting beyond anyone's control. so i'm in this place where i did not foresee i would be. no one's fault... no blame... just here. but that does not cancel the reeling feelings of fear, uncertainty, sadness, loss of control... so all the moods i can finally admit to myself are my just realizing what's becoming more real everyday and trying to figure things out. i guess the ability to pretend :things are not what they are: serves a purpose sometimes...

in a comment, grace brought up in me the idea i've been holding for a long time of having an online shop. i've been thinking more and more of doing that. hahahahahha i have no clue what i would offer there. maybe today, i will sign up for it.

cave:aEyes:

2010-06-13T18:37:00.000-07:00

i turned into a cavewoman for a while.

everything was blurry and i couldn't get a grasp on a lot of things.

so i retreated. now that i've re-emerged i found that it coincided with the :three: days of the dark/new moon. funny. again.

i used to keep regular track of :her: cycles, but somehow i've lost the time.

i worked on a couple of things that have been lying beside me. mr. depp catt has a new hat. i added some things to the moon, but ripped them out... the color tones didn't match. she now has tiny whisper holes and colors.

the cloth to cloth class is ending. :sad: i'm going to miss having the opportunity to participate in that little spot. through it i learned so many things. and most suprisingly i learned a lot about myself and relating. looking back it feels like it was a group growing effort. i had a time of feeling uncomfortable, but i am happy i pushed through :my: issues and i've expanded understanding because of it.

spirit cloth class starts tuesday and from all the work examples already posted, i am surely out of my league. these women are wonderful talented artists. a new learning experience is in the slots and i'm excited.

oh and grace (if you happen by)... i'm sorry but son has not been able to mail off the cushion yet. he had an unexpected busy workweek, but he tells me he is going on monday to ship it off. so :fingers crossed: hopefully it will be there by thursday or friday. i hope cushion gets lots of wear and tear! i think she'll be happy. :)

:HEART:

2010-06-06T16:40:00.000-07:00

this is the pincushion i made several years ago... it's been sitting unused for all that time. maybe waiting?

The cat comes out

2010-06-05T06:49:00.000-07:00

i realized i'd not cut any wavy weaves.

did not come out as ~curvy~ as i'd imagined.

did some wavy back stitching (was really nice to do) and added some scraps colors...

got a little carried away on the stitching again... hahahahahha

mr. cat agreed to come and help me tone it down a bit.

i made his eyes and fringed up the strips edges the jude way.

not finished yet... i think a spider wants to come hang out. and the moon is looking a little stark/bare.

:DO:odles

2010-06-03T13:23:00.000-07:00

i DOodled these a couple of nights ago.

the :idea: of these strange shapes have been hanging around with me for a while, but i didn't know what they looked like.

travels into outer/inner space...

the words of this song seem to go with these :DO:odles.

[to see doodles in first photo better... doodles on the left, tilt head to right: ones on right, tilt to the left... ones in second photo are right side↑]

Opened door

2010-06-02T09:29:00.000-07:00

a door opened up while reading posts at the class blog this morning.

so many of my thoughts over the past days have intersected with the thoughts and works over there. dealing with expression, truth, one's own work...

the words i read over there hit right at the center of me. i think they are the key to this rough journey i've been on. a piece i ~~have just not been able to figure out~~ keep forgetting to keep close to me.

came across this song today. second time i've been feeling :funky: and i've heard this song on the tv. memories coming to meet me...

---

You say the hill's too steep to climb,
Climb it!
You say you'd like to see me try,
Climb it!
You pick the place and I'll choose the time
And I'll climb
The hill in my own way
Just wait a while, for the right day
And as I rise above the treeline and the clouds
I look down hear the sound of the things you said today
Fearlessly the idiot faced the crowd, smiling
Merciless, the magistrate turns 'round, frowning
And who's the fool who wears the crown
Go down in your own way
And everyday is the right day
And as you rise above the fearlines in the frown
You look down
Hear the sound of the faces in the crowd

:HOME:work

2010-05-31T18:03:00.000-07:00

been sick... still am, but at least i'm not flat on my back.

haven't been doing ANYthing cloth related. it was taking all my strength to keep the grands from clobbering each other. i vowed this weekend to get back to it though. ripped up some strips and got to work night before last.

i'm trying to get caught up on all the methods at class. the tapestry, the double weave, cut out and mask... check check check. i think that's all of them.

i am going to use all these methods more extensively in the HOME comforter work. i just wanted to try em' out to get a feel for them.

For the comfort

2010-05-25T10:18:00.001-07:00

over the weekend i started work on covering the comforter.

weaved strips of scrap cloth over several hours. several more hours of stitching. have to remember to find a comfortable position while stitching. don't avoid sitting on the cloth.

had a lot of fun here. everything just flowed. if my fingers (and my back) would've held up, i think i could've done a lot more.

i basted all the outer edges with leftover pieces of floss like a tied quilt so i can easily cut later to insert more fabric as i go. will be working on the quilting over the next several days.

i'm feeling agitated this morning. granddaughter and grandson decided i did not need any alone time this weekend. they were back to their old lock picking ways. add to that caffiene, icky rash and fruit flies. i'm on the edge. and i'm trying to talk myself down. hahahahaha

Weaving and unraveling

2010-05-21T04:03:00.000-07:00

these are my two latest pieces for the cloth to cloth class.

i accidentally realized that light shines through this block.

this is all just pinned not yet basted. i think because i wasn't totally sure of the framing fabrics, but i'm gonna just go for it and leave em be.

this is the same type of weaving with as the previous post only with a backing. yellowish fabric is from an old 1970's sheet and it was a nice accident that the circle of the flower appeared in the lower block. the print is also a little darker than it's looks in this photo.

so that was the weaving... now the unraveling. this class is amazing. not only am i learning more about the feel and personality of cloth, i'm learning about the feel and personality of me. cloth is magic.

remembering my lifelong friendship i've had with natural cloth. how a certain blanket gave me comfort and security as a child. how silk ribbons rubbed against my cheek calmed me down. tears and fights with mom over polyester pantsuits and turtlenecks... hahahahaha they suffocated me! loving my levis, indian print gauze blouses, fringe leather mocs...

also learning an organic organization for working and enjoying. the natural process seeping over into and making it's way out to the outer overlooked corners of my experience. :thanks to suzanna and grace: for the words on the quiet and the slow.

i yam what i yam.

Getting it together

2010-05-20T12:28:00.000-07:00

it's been a long time since i've taken a class. the class i'm taking is a freeform freeflowing one and thank goodness. i'm still a little overwhelmed. i am really slow. i'm realizing more about how i work... my :thought to manifestation: process. i take a lot of time thinking about things. which can be good, but i'm realizing where it makes me stop action. where it stops the freeflow from :wherever things come from:.

also realizing just how quiet i am. probably a mixture of shy and just not inclined to talking a lot. i think a lot about what i see, but it feels only relevant to me. i'm not used to voicing my thoughts all time. feels strange to me. probably a cultural thing. runs against the grain of this internet world. i'm trying to figure out how to make a balance of this, since i obviously want to participate in this forum (i'm here).

can't forget to factor in the grandbaybees... a terrible two and a frazzling four... :)

so i'm in the process of figuring it all out or at least as much as i can, from what i'm aware of at this point...

Carried away

2010-05-12T17:29:00.000-07:00

this is the back panel for daughter's bag. it was supposed to be simple patchwork with maybe a little something in the corner... what happened? hahahahaha

i guess it has no back now. only two fronts. she can choose.

more wishing... the land of magic and dreams lies just beyond the heart. love is the gateway.

justa little bit

2010-05-10T11:57:00.001-07:00

i didn't do much to it... added the star's face and rainbow :wish:drops.

also quilted in up a bit. still trying to figure out what/why/where of the words. going to turn it into a bag today.

adding this photo because it's the only one to show the cloth's true color. i took it by accident.

i was on a high yesterday. had a pretty good day. talked to the kids, visited mom, ate some food, did some shopping, watched a movie.

For the wishes

2010-05-07T19:57:00.000-07:00

on the stars.

i finally started one of the makeup/catch all bags. this one's for daughter. her favorite color is red. she is currently far away from home trying to make her dreams come true.

i guess ~~you'd~~ i'd call this a wish pot. came out a little funky. i freecut/handed it and i plan on adding the words "star light, star bright..."

i received a huge mother's day card from daughter today. it made me cry. i miss her so much.
---

i forgot to add that the star is made in the style of jude at what if.

Moment with the Moon

2010-05-05T15:31:00.000-07:00

a memento.

it's been pretty hectic around here. most of the hectic in my mind i'm sure. rush rush rush. conflict with slow slow slow. i feel fear when i'm rushing. fear of losing something, missing something. fear of the tic. tock.

noticed how tangible the moment/story is with one of these cloths. the thoughts jump out at me. they jump into my brain complete with feeling, ideas, problems, solutions. magic. and i did not realize how powerful that could be.

also noticed i question the quilting part of the cloth. i wonder why. fear/conflict of perfection/non performance going on in my head? after i do it though, i love it.

while stitching this, i forgot this was supposed to go on my comforter. is that yarn/vine/umbilical cord going to hold up to washing? is it gonna get all wibbly wobbly? well we'll see...

Luna:see:

2010-05-03T16:45:00.000-07:00

i'm finally feeling like i'm back on this plane. that starry way out feeling is fading. she set me down softly. luna:see: gone.

i didn't do too much to the panel last night. i'm not quite sure where it is going from here. last night, it was looking finished to me, but i think there's more to add. i'd wanted to do some running stitches across it to quilt it. i'm not sure if it will look right though.

i plan on starting the make-up bag cloths this evening and maybe doing a little work on the second panel.

*
One night as Dick lay fast asleep,
Into his drowsy eyes
A great still light began to creep
From out the silent skies.
It was the lovely moon's, for when
He raised his dreamy head,
Her surge of silver filled the pane
And streamed across his bed.
So, for a while, each gazed at each-
Dick and the solemn moon-
Till, climbing slowly on her way,
She vanished, and was gone.

-- Walter de la Mare

That journey

2010-05-02T15:45:00.000-07:00

traveling the vine.

i think miss moon is camped out on my left shoulder. she's been whispering in my ear forever now.

i've had many moons like this past one and i've forgotten or wasn't aware of many many past moons. i realize (again?), this moon, however that remembering/knowing helped/helps me to ride it out.

the journey a symmetrically imperfect tangled vine. it's not straight, but it's not too scary either. just enough curve to sway me from one side to another and jostle me around a bit, if i'm smiled upon. it's a vine growing from emotions fueled by a clear or cloudy perspective.

i put the quarter moons together using jude's paperless piecing video. i tried it out last week on some entsy teensy squares for practice and the stitchin felt really good. it forced me to hold the pieces in my hands in such a way that produced really good sturdy control.

now to add some words and other stuff?.

Unspeakable speaking

2010-05-01T20:31:00.001-07:00

this is something i came up with several weeks ago

when i was thinking about the unspeakable elements. i'd forgot about it and just came across this photo. i don't think i'll be working on it right away. the new blue is the line leader in my thoughts.

it's a rough rough throw together of the weaving method from jude/spirit cloth. these strips are leftovers from previous projects.

this is a set aside.

Out the window

2010-05-01T19:07:00.001-07:00

i took the day yesterday to do nothing.

i did things, but just fun or relaxing things. i posted myself on the couch, played with the kids and stared out the window.

started thinking about words. i get spellbound at the mystery of words and language. words are the foundation of how i think of the world. if i think of the world through a different language, the perception changes. co-opting words and rearranging letters is magical. i know this doesn't directly link to stitching, but i was thinking if somehow it could. it hasn't come to me yet, but i hope there is something there.

New blue

2010-04-29T10:39:00.001-07:00

of course blue.

i resisted the urge to chop chop chop. it was a lot easier since i knew mama was in play. looking at it through calmer eyes, it appeared to be two pieces. so i cut it up the almost middle. of course i'm choosing the blue side to work with first. i figure i'll use the other for patches or something.

granddaughter in her cinderella dress pretending to photograph her polly pocket's pants like granma :)

♥

[↑date thank you jude and grace... i needed the words. :)]

Chaos

2010-04-28T21:13:00.000-07:00

i'm in it. inner chaos.

i didn't get enough rest over the weekend. everything feels wrong. i know it's probably an overreaction but it still sucks.

the panel is not working. i'm fighting not to take a scissors to it. chop it up, just so it can be gone. it's representing my disconnected frustration. the back looks better than the front.

maybe tomorrow i'll feel better, but i think it's gonna take some days. my weekend's still 3 days away and the gran-baybees are on one.

*
:hope ray:
i tell you: one must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star. -friedrich nietzsche.

[↑date - how could i have spaced that it's a full moon... explains a lot. pink moon. sprouting grass moon.]

A gift

2010-04-27T16:34:00.000-07:00

i had a birthday several days ago. i don't like planned birthday things.

they always seem too stressful. and yes the past several days were kinda stressful. i'm a hermit happily. i don't like hanging out unless it's something to do with nature. i prefer that type of company over crowds.

well i ended up in a crowd. a crowd in a little tiny penned up outdoor space no less. but i did it because someone i'm close too really wanted to go. my birthday gift to myself, adapting and change.

i didn't get to do too much sewing over the weekend. i tried. nothing would come out. so i just sewed. i don't like it yet. i hope it transforms into something nice. nothing's connected just random shapes and objects. right now i'm just decompressing.

123 slow

2010-04-22T06:50:00.000-07:00

i'm starting my first purposeful unplanned/improvised projects. 3 of them so i don't get overwhelmed or bored. 2 make-up bags (one for daughter, one for niece) and covering one of my comforters. i've been wanting to cover this comforter for a long time. it's about 15 years old, dingy, filled with pills and holes, but it's still warm and i like her.

i'm using scraps again that were in the junk it pile. nice and worn misfits. for personal encouragement, i will be adding the semi finished blocks to the comforter as i go. patches style. starting in the corners, then edges and into center. the center block is going to be the size of 4 blocks and will be where the :wishes: go.

i have a :prayer to the WARM blanket project: in my head, but it doesn't have words yet. i'll add later when/if it materializes.

High apple pie in the sky hopes

2010-04-20T05:42:00.000-07:00

there's supposed to be ant in this photo somewhere. i took two photos and he wasn't in either one of them i could see. hmmm. maybe my bad eyes?

i forgot to add '~~the understory~~' the 'little bottom world' photo of the tree that graced me some good talk. it's really got some good color. young new green. would be nice if there was another word besides 'it' for someone/thing that you don't know the gender of. or if english words had gender like spanish or french already decided for you. wouldn't seem so impersonal.

and that song is stuck in my head. from where i don't know.

"Next time your found
With your chin on the ground
There's a lot to be learned
So look around.

Just what makes that little old ant
Think he'll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant, can't
Move a rubber tree plant

But he's got high hopes
He's got high hopes
He's got high apple pie
In the sky hopes."

Listened in

2010-04-19T17:21:00.000-07:00

even the rowdiest of the rowdies has an understory.

what's happening above, affects below.

reminds me of summertime, on the warm concrete curb raking branches in the gutter. sending leaf boats floating down.

neighborhood bulletin board.

it's been over a year since i've sat outside. i realize i really miss the plants. had a really good conversation with a beautiful young tree. i had tears in my eyes. i had forgotten what that felt like.

thank you Sun.

If I'm gonna travel in circles...

2010-04-19T14:47:00.000-07:00

might as well do it outside. gonna go for a walk. see what i can find. maybe i'll find something nice.

Just a little SUNthing...

2010-04-18T15:58:00.000-07:00

:indian summer:

i've been feeling a little sketchy here lately. can't quite get back around to center. been traveling around in circles, missing the midpoint. the one theme/thread running through my scattered thoughts... to make a pad to remind me when i'm gifted with the prospect of another day, to wake up, relax and enjoy it. the warmth and life giving properties of the sun and the lazy days of the end of summer. lying in the grass, letting the earth move around me, not me trying to move the earth. now to do that would be great.

Moon Tide

2010-04-16T15:47:00.000-07:00

:i hope miss mama moon is happy here on this little mishmash section of sky:

think it's pretty much finished. i'll probably add a couple of little things here and there. and it needs a binding... a thin one maybe.

it feels pretty good... it's got good weight and texture for the hands/touch. i freehand stitched the lettering. i did it partly because i am purposefully skipping the aspects of sewing that are usually roadblocks to either my finishing the works, or obstructions to : flow:. i also thought the loose look may fit in here. quilting it was a good light full experience.

Mama

2010-04-14T14:12:00.000-07:00

i think miss moon might be a plain sort, but maybe she'd like some cosmic garlands or flowers. :space flowers:

i didn't know if i was going to keep going with this scrap pad, but i think i will. maybe i'll hang her in the kitchen when i'm done/satisfied. a kitchen moon.

Who's foolin' who...

2010-04-11T23:19:00.002-07:00

more blue. i was just foolin' around stitching something to stitch it. it was only supposed to be the blue panel. playing with the blues. and i'd put it away.

but i see mama moon everywhere. and i thought she might like to be on a patchwork night sky. i think she deserves a crown and the wind at her feet. under her dress are her suns waiting to be born for another day.

[dark photos in my dark room in the dark night]

The Unspeakable 2

2010-04-10T03:36:00.000-07:00

[photo found here -- storm moving over area by caitlyn willows]

after watching the weather report today, i realized i'm not as averse to wind and fire as i previously thought. i remember i enjoy storms. i feel very alive standing in the wind and rain waiting for the crackle and flash of a streak of lightning. i understand the fears of the danger of this part of nature, but i only feel swirling power and recognition from them. they wake me up, representing this life in action. as long as i can remember, i've collected rainwater. i'd keep the bottles sitting on my dresser, tangible evidence that this huge cycle is happening and i witnessed it/was a part of it for that moment. i miss them a lot when they are gone or don't show up as predicted.

[photo found here -- 4 Colour Sun Wheel © escher1]

i fear the sudden change these 2 elements represent, however in this context they seem to be a part of me and the fear is not there. i think this is where i can safely begin to explore representing them. i'm very excited at this new understanding.. :thank you world!:

Behind deep blue

2010-04-07T13:54:00.000-07:00

i've noticed from taking pictures just how dark the apartment is. i've always loved the sunlight and open windows, so i'm not quite sure when this change took place. maybe it's because in this apartment, the walkway is right in front of the door and windows and there's no balcony here or private outside space. compensating i've created a cave... appropriate for this EARTH girl.

may also explain why i'm loving BLUES more than usual (if that's possible). a replacement for the sky i never see and the ocean i used to long for. i used to dream of the ocean almost every night... indigo and watercolor midnights, light pale blue for the sky. i now recognize i love the desert too though... accounting for all the tans and browns around me. and a scatter of natural new greens and yellows to mimic the cacti and small desert flowers.

with spring returning, dreams of an open plot of desert land are resurfacing. if only... but whatever i'm doing here in the present tense, i'll remember that i need both water and earth. i know i need balance. extremes aren't good, like how i've been resonating. i'm hesitant to even discuss the other two elements. in the solid and grounded i find my comfort.

in these words, i am thinking of a challenge for myself... to create cloths dealing with the other two unspeakable elements. :wooo: i'm going to sit with that idea for a while.

:TEARS: Still thinking about it...

2010-04-07T13:43:00.000-07:00

i kept going with the running stitches and i like it.

this is the first 'anything' that i've made expressing some moment in time for me. it may not look like much, but it's good. a little prayer cloth. a reminder. very simple but says a lot to me. i'm pretty cool with it. i may still add something else to it though.

[on the front computer the photos look fine... they look a little dark here... hmmm]

Tears Transformation Pad

2010-04-06T06:45:00.000-07:00

i'd planned on adding texture to this little pad from the beginning. i started adding little running stitches across the width this morning. i am not too happy with the way it's looking so far. maybe i'm looking through tired eyes.

Voices

2010-04-05T21:01:00.000-07:00

from behind old lace
hearing frequent misspoke words
holdout for solace

full moon cloth :WARM SUM:

2010-04-04T04:40:00.000-07:00

WARM SUM, a cloth i started on the full moon. i've stopped work on it, because the atmosphere around me changed dramatically about ?2/3rds? of the way through. it is a free stitch cloth. i had no design plans when i began it, only to use the running stitch as the main method (kantha). i intentionally stitched non-uniformly just to see what would happen and to keep the flow going.

the cloth is an old purse lining i never utilized. i did not cut it into shape. i stitched it up as it was, folding it over on itself to make 4 layers. the material is unwashed muslin and i'm wondering if i should've laundered it beforehand. well it may give it more interest if i wash after i am done. no use to cry over that spilled milk...

Prayer to :hands:

2010-04-03T21:09:00.000-07:00

i'd like for what's in my head to come out onto the cloth. i'd like for my hands to trust me and not betray me and sweep all the :unfamiliar: up under the rug. i'd like for my cloths/outer expressions to match my jumbled, sometimes messy unclear and confused thoughts. i want to see them outside of my head so they can be here on this plane with me. i want to hang them on the walls so i won't be lonely here. i want them to become real here.

hands please trust us. it's should be okay. and if it's not, it's not that :sirius: anyways... no one's really watching... no one really notices.

a SEWer

2010-04-03T19:26:00.000-07:00

i enjoy the action of pulling needle with thread.

i'm a round peg that don't fit into a square hole. (you'd think i'd fit, but i just don't fill out those corners... i slip and slide all over the place)

me ---> little kid in a grown's up world · over thinker · non-perfecting (sometimes non-performing) perfectionist · with a ~~strange~~ different world view