trafalgar

popped up as his name.



immediately thought of my ex husband's uncle tragabalas. he was shot like 30-something times and lived. 'bullet eater'.



trafalgar
arabic
one meaning 'the cave'
poetic meaning 'edge of the deep' (taraf-al-ghawr)
---

used the grab bag method for this one...

this moon

has been a particularly strong one. ranting and raving. mental confusion, frustration and anger. whining, self-pity.



it was rough, but it's good she facilitated the opening of this door. i am a little embarrassed for the 'steam' leaked out (thank you for listening grace), but...



and i am back to mae. she's just mae now...



and this fire eater. i imagine he got tired of running from this fire ball. now he has turned, facing it, jaws wide open ready to eat it and see what becomes of him...
---

hope everyone who celebrated yesterday had the special day they'd hoped for...

maggie mae

...the flower queen. weeper for days past, uncertain for the days to come.



she appeared right after wolf woman. maybe the flip side of the coin...

wild hair... unable to be controlled



flailing roots, planted in the ether...



and if maggie mae was a reflection of me at the time of stitching, i'm not sure it still applies. i think i've shifted a little over to the side somewhere...

grace sent me a book to read (thank you! thank you! thank you!). women who run with wolves. i can't put into words how much it is meaning to me. i think, it and grace have something alot to do with the shifting...

[used jude's crayon drawing method on the roots. amazing... with the heat, the crayons just melted into the cloth. what a feeling... so smoooth... i have so many ideas for this.]

receptacles

vigilant

she sees in the night



she watches during the day



the nieces said she is a wolf woman. i had a body for her... a rose print dress, an apron with little pockets. but i got the feeling she didn't want it. so i'll let her just stay in her head for now.

facing a beast

yesterday i went back to look at the beast class. so happy i did. a door opened up.



the nieces gasped when they saw her. they kept coming over asking questions about her.



i copied jude's faces. i think i will look up some 'how-to's' on drawing basic facial expression. fun!

in-betweens

stitched in the midst of.



over the span of.



towards the Star.

trees and water

it's hard to believe this is down the way from me.



and that i can walk here. trees and the water have infused me with something new in the months since i've been here. i know this has to be true.

it's real that this place is beautiful to me. and it's real that i miss the desert. the trees and i have had wonder-full meetings. yet these woods around here are spooky. something i'm not used to.

it's also spooky to be alone. no 6ft. 2 son to walk me places. no son or daughter close by to look me in my eyes or to encourage me and rag me for my quirks. now there are new eyes to look into and my own ayes.

sister and i have had a ROCKY past, but we have always had this tie that we can't be apart. where ever one went, the other would follow. we could not resist the pull. we are EXTREME opposites. i am the odd man out of our family... i should say i am the EXTREME opposite of the bunch of us. but now it seems we (sister and i) have come to understand each other and where we can't, it's okay.

she has been encouraging me. encouraging me as she says "to fly". my feet stay as close to the ground as possible when dealing with this world. my soul is the one that stays flying above the clouds. i think she has been influencing me to let my feet join my soul. and suddenly i realized i was up on my tippy toes ready to jump... and i came to consciousness and was scared. what happened? how did i get up here? hahahahha

so that's part of the long version of this story... the other parts are uncomfortable circumstances that i'm realizing are just circumstances, but that they are real. and sister has been running interference for me recently, trying to allow me to make the decision for myself.

so it seems i am making these decisions. and the fight may be in my mind, playing out in what's around me.

---
thank you for all for the words on the last post. you just don't know how much they have all helped. :)

dreams

been feeling kinda strange



feeling as if i am changing. don't know if it's for the good or bad. i see myself compromising and i'm not sure if that's what i want to do.



i can feel it affecting my voice.



---
[just discovered i can follow people :) i couldn't before... maybe the fix to me commenting on embeds is coming soon... hopefully?]